MAJOR, MAJOR, MAJOR MILESTONE: I'm HALF the woman I used to be!

Wow, I can't believe it's been since November since I posted. Time flies when you're out living life. Geez! And honestly, the holidays were crazy - I was a scrooge until we got the house decorated, knew the job was ending after Christmas, more than a little stressed, yanno?

Then there were hormonal issues that I had to deal with dating back to November - the joy of being a woman I suppose. The hormones I was taking stopped my weight loss dead in its tracks. I was stuck at 167 for what seemed like forever. But... 167 was my doctor's goal weight for me, which represented an 85% excess weight loss. And for all intents and purposes, would have been the definition of success. But you know me. I'm not satisfied until I've done this thing my way. (Oh great, now I have Frankie singing in my head... dang! But I digress....) While this stall from hell was here, I kept taking measurements and checking to be sure I wasn't blowing back up like a balloon. And I wasn't, thank God. I'll admit it bothered me. But not enough to drive me completely crazy. I kept reminding myself that I have another 6 months to a year in which I can lose weight before the proverbial window closes. I kept doing what I was supposed to be doing and checking in with my awesome support group (you know who you are - and you ROCK!).

So in January, I started back to the gym a little more faithfully. I've managed to squeeze in 2 days a week so far, but classes are nuts this semester and I'm SO focused on getting done and getting a job. So yeah, I can get more than a little obsessed. (OCD much? Nah, just a little.) Anyway, I started to see the scale move ever so slightly. That was encouraging. I've kept with the high protein, and tried to watch the carbs, especially the simple ones. I did lose a terrible fight with brussel sprouts last Saturday night that resulted in them being on my banned foods list right behind spaghetti. I'll spare you the details, but it was UG-LY.

So the weight report: Last Saturday I weighed 159. I was excited because I finally broke into the 150s! Woo Hoo! Then I weighed on Wednesday and was down to 157. More excitement because I could then proclaim that in just 5 pounds, I would be half the woman I once was. Well friends, from Wednesday to yesterday morning, I lost 5 freakin' pounds! Actually 5 and a half. So you know what that means?!?!?! I AM HALF THE WOMAN I USED TO BE!!! Actually, I'm a half pound less than half, but who's counting? hehe So today, I weigh 152 pounds and I have lost 153 pounds. I have lost a whole other me! Oh. My. God. It is still so surreal that I have a hard time wrapping my head around it.

This does give me hope that I might be really close to my goal weight by the time my birthday - my 40th birthday (Yikes) - rolls around on February 24th. I had begun to let go of that dream. But now it seems achievable. If it happens - great. If not, I know that it will soon thereafter. Either way, I'm letting my DS drive. Which is another great accomplishment for a control freak like me.

Happy New Year?!?!?! Indeed.

More Photowhoring....

One of the things I do look forward to doing once my job ends is having time to sew more. I recently did some sewing. It sort of happened by accident. I know, that sounds crazy. How do you sew "by accident"? Well, it all started when I went to Hancock Fabrics to get some ribbon for a baby blanket I had knit for a pregnant friend/co-worker. I happened to be wandering around and lusting after all the fabrics when I ran across some denim. And it was on sale. I thought I could find a cute skirt pattern to make to wear with my new boots. But instead I found a cute dress pattern. So I bought the pattern and the material. The denim was on sale, and the whole dress cost me around $25, including thread and other notions. Cool, huh? I mean, sure I could have gotten a dress from Goodwill or the Durham Rescue Mission Thrift Store for something like $4, but I have a brand new dress for $25 and unless some other soul happens to pick the same pattern and the very same fabric, I have a one-of-a-kind dress! So here it is. I wore it to church the other Sunday and made Gerald take pictures of me before I took it off.

I love the dress so much, I bought some corduroy to make another one soon!

And then some bad news.....

It seems that for every plus, there's a minus... for every up, there's a down. Well, for the second (or third, depending on how you count it) time this year, I am being laid off from a job. Yep, you heard it correctly, my friends. The word came down today.

How can that happen, you ask? It's because of the Merck/Schering-Plough merger. I don't know how many I explained this to, but here it is in a nutshell. I work for ClinForce as a contractor for SP doing clinical data indexing. Because of the merger, the whole SP ClinDoc unit is being let go. That includes some really fine folks I met up in New Jersey. There had been a lot of worry up there, and I suppose rightfully so. I was told that of the 2, SP has the more sophisticated clinical documentation department. Merck just farms theirs out. Because Merck is holding the upper hand here, they call the shots and we're all unemployed as of 12/31/09. That's a total of 15 folks here in NC and about 60 or so up in NJ. Of course, that's a small part of SP folks that will eventually be let go, no doubt.

I have some prospects, and I am tentatively developing a plan. I have to believe that God is in control here and He knows what He's doing. I just have to trust and be attentive to hear Him. The job at ClinForce was ideal because I am getting ready to do an internship in Spring semester that I am hopeful will lead to a permanent clinical position, ideally as a CRA. That's out the window now, but worst case scenario (or maybe best case) is I draw unemployment while I do the internship and then try my best to get a full-time clinical job. I hate to be this mysterious and secretive, but I honestly believe that sometimes there are forces that work against you if you reveal too much too soon.

All I ask is that you all pray for the best, especially in regards to the outcome of the pending sale of the house. Having that cushion will be a true blessing.

Tentative good news.....

Just a quick post. I have an offer on the house in Oxford - one that I can live with at least (and in this economy, that's a really good thing). Signed the contract on Monday. Scheduled to close on Nov. 30th. It sure would be a nice Christmas present. So cross your fingers, pray, do whatever it is you do.... I sure could use this turn of good fortune. It will allow me to be able to complete an internship in the Spring semester without having to sweat the lost wages so much. And I hope the internship will lead to a permanent clinical job. I sure plan it that way!

Just one more thing I'm thankful for......

Wanna See Something Shocking?!?

I can't believe how times flies between my posts, but such is my crazy life. And sometimes I hate to bore the rest of the world with what sometimes seems like minor changes. So I'd rather save it for the major stuff. And boy is it major these days!

To begin with, let me tell you a little story. Back in the Spring of 2007 I think it was, Gerald and I decided to go hiking one sunny afternoon. We decided to start at Highway 50 at Falls Lake and hike through the trails - it's part of the Mountains to the Sea Trail - over to Highway 98. So we left a car, had enough food and water, etc., etc. Mind you, this hike according to Gerald was to be about 2-3 miles. I thought, "No sweat. I got this." As it turns out, the hike was more like 8 MILES! But the thing that struck me the most was that I was about to die about 2 miles into this thing. Granted, at some point I realized that the 2 miles was buffoonery and we were going much farther than that, but at most I thought maybe 5. That aside though, I was pretty darn surprised at how hard that hike was on me. The trail was not rough really - no more so than others locally. There weren't steep inclines or declines. Just regular trail. You know. Once we got to the car, I could hardly keep going. But later, boy did I pay for that hike. I was in so much pain and I could hardly move the next day! I know I was morbidly obese, but I was in shape for a fat girl.

Fast forward to this past weekend. On Sunday, Gerald and I decided to hike Penny's Bend Nature Preserve out by our house. Can I say how COOL it is that we have trails so close to our house? If you've never hiked Penny's Bend, you should - this time of year it is so beautiful walking beside the Eno River among beautiful fall leaves. At times, truly breathtaking. Penny's Bend is owned and maintained by UNC. If you're interested, go here: Penny's Bend. It was a 2.25 mile hike round trip, and we threw in a little geocaching for good measure. And I hate to admit to the World Wide Web - probably because I'm the last to realize this - but I am a geek. I actually like geocaching though I have been adamant to Gerald that I wouldn't. Ok, so I'm a geek. A geek who according to some (I don't know the source) said, "I use a multi-billion dollar global satellite system to hunt for Tupperware in the woods." Most appropriate, but WAY more fun! We found 3 caches at Penny's Bend. Here I am with the swag from the cache that I actually found. (Gerald always beats me to them!)

And the other thing about this trip was that the hike was nothing! Let me say it again. No-thing. Didn't phase me at all. I didn't get winded, my feet didn't hurt, etc., etc., etc. I was amazed at how easy it was in the grand scheme of things. I did have a little soreness late that night when I went to bed, but by the morning I felt fine and was ready to go.

And then I saw the picture Gerald took of me and thought, "Wow, that doesn't suck." So now I'm afraid I may turn into a camera whore. I'm actually ok with that. So when we got home, I decided to try on some smaller jeans since one picture Gerald took of me hiking shows that the legs of my size 12 jeans looked baggy. Hard to fathom, but there it was in digital image technicolor. Who knew? Even though my hair looked atrocious and I had it pinned back from the hike, I still tried on those jeans. Can you say - Size 10, Babee!!!!! Holy crap! I couldn't believe it either! So here we have it - living proof. And just for comparison, I am including a composite picture of me from pre-op/25 days post-op. The comparison blows my mind. Seriously, I had shied away from having pictures of me taken during the last few months, and now I don't hate them anymore!

This is me pre-op and 25 days post-op. Already a world of difference. But no way did I dream of what was to come....

It is SO hard for me to believe that is the same woman in those before and after pictures. And look, I grew collarbones! I knew I had arrived when I could see those!

This new life STILL blows my mind. WLS saved my life. Specifically, Dr. Dennis Smith (I love that man!) and the Duodenal Switch saved my life - And it gave me a better one!

Oh yeah, and I'm only 4 pounds from my doctor's goal weight for me. Tomorrow will be my 9 month post-op anniversary. I can't think of a better way to have spent the last 9 months of my life. And I'm not done losing. I know Size 8s are in my future, but if I never lost another pound, I'd be so thankful I had the duodenal switch. My journey has been relatively easy compared to some, and it sure as hell beats the prison of obesity I lived in for more years that I care to count.

Sure puts a whole new meaning on Thanksgiving for me this year. Tell me, what are YOU thankful for?

OMG! What a weekend!

Well, I didn't exactly make it a week of posts last week, but I am being more consistent here at least. I hate to bore everyone when I have nothing useful to say. I know some of you are probably wondering why I talk at all then! LOL

So one thing I have been trying to focus more on is quality of life goals - focusing on those things that I used to be able to do that morbid obesity took from me. The premise being that I can take my mind off the scale and the lack of movement there. Seriously. Been stuck there for 3 weeks now, and even gained 2 pounds last week. But that's what I get for eating Thai, Korean, and Chinese all in a span of 4 days. Lesson learned.

But that list consists of such things as riding a roller coaster again.... of going sky-diving.... of water skiing again.... of learning to scuba dive.... things such as these. Think of it as sort of pseudo-Bucket List. Things such as these are what WLS folks call non-scale victories. Wearing a smaller size of clothing is just icing on the cake. I already wrote about kicking the last of the BP meds last week. This weekend, I was able to check one of those items off my list.

Yes, that's right boys and girls, I water-skied. For the first time in almost 20 years I was able to get up on a pair of water skis. In fact, I was able to get up on the first try, and I stayed up until I told David to drop me by the shoreline. (BTW, a big shout-out to David Hall - he is a co-worker and friend of my brother-in-law, Todd. Now I can say that both David and his lovely fiancee' Heather as well as his parents are now friends of mine and Gerald. Wonderful, generous, sweet people.) And David knows how to pull folks on skis. He was completely calm and reassuring so I didn't have any fear of falling and embarrassing myself. If I fell, so what? I'd try again. But I didn't. David and Heather as spotter let me know when I was coming into some choppy water so I was able to keep my knees bent properly. I could go on and on.....

But the most important part of this whole story is that I felt FREE. Free from the bonds of morbid obesity and the ravages it had on my body. Free to do anything I want. Free to live my life to the fullest! I can't describe the feeling. I got a little teary-eyed then, and even now when I think about it. If you've never lived with the daily pain of morbid obesity and the toll it takes on your body, count yourself very fortunate indeed. And for any folks out there who may be reading this, especially those of you who don't know me personally, if you are living in that prison, let me say it again, you can be free, too!

Words can't describe how good it felt yesterday to move my arms and feel the soreness in my shoulders. Yes, it felt good! I hate we don't have pictures to share, but we will, next time! Yes, there WILL be a next time! But there is no way that next time will feel half as good as realizing a personal victory such as this.

Hope you have a great week! Go out and have your own personal victory, whatever form it takes. Now that's living.........

What? 2 posts in 2 days?!?!?!

A few weeks ago, I was having bouts of dizziness, especially when I stood up or sat up. I remembered (thankfully) that the cardiologist that cleared me for surgery said to watch for those symptoms when it became time to get off the Norvasc. I was placed on it several years ago because I was always having tachycardia. Stressed much? And not just from carrying around an extra 170 pounds.....

I went to see my PCP's PA, and she did some orthostatic BP measurements sp see what was going on. I was certainly symptomatic. She did a test run to see if I could come off the Norvasc. I went back a week later, and lo and behold, I can finally completely kick the BP meds. That was the last one since I came off the other one that day of surgery. I really am excited!! My BP was 112/68 the last time I took it. And to think that 6 short months ago, my BP was constantly around 150/90, and was becoming more and more uncontrollable. The cardiologist even mentioned increasing my dose of Norvasc before surgery, though that was not necessary as it turns out.

So I really am excited about the quality of life improvements that I have now. I can sit on the couch and bend over until my chest touches my knees and tie my shoes while still continuing to breathe normally. I can do the same while painting my toes. I can get down in the floor and get right back up with ease. No grunting or feeling like my knees are going to explode. Heck, the other day I squatted down in Mom's yard and stayed like that for a minute or so while I tried to get her neurotic dog to stop barking. Not only would I have not done that before surgery, if I had, I'd have not been able to stay like that more than a few seconds.

Now that the scale seems to move a little slower, I'm doing a couple of things to keep my head sane. First, I'm staying off the scales. Second, I'm trying to focus on those QoL improvements that give me non-scale victories. And I'm staying accountable with my eating - protein first! We haven't started our running program yet, but I am hopeful that my back will calm down enough that I can try it in the next few days. I have an appt to see the spine doc in September, but may get in sooner if it continues to bother me. I'm basically having sharp, shooting pains down my left leg and in my lower left back. They come and go very quickly, but it paralyzes me while it's happening. I think I may need to have it injected again. But, the one thing I am doing is reading a book called ChiRunning by Danny Dreyer. And out of that, I have come to realize that Tai Chi can help me gain core strength, flexibility and relax all at the same time. So to that end, G and I are going to start going to some Tai Chi classes at the downtown Y starting tomorrow night. I'm pretty excited about it. I'm just anxious to get back out and do some running since I can't help but think it will feel a lot different now that I've lost a whole Paris Hilton.

So that's where my head, and weight, is now. I am doing well, felling really good most days. I still struggle with eating too fast, and it still hurts when I do. But oddly, I am glad it still works that way, and I hope and pray it always will. Lots of folks tell me I'm looking younger, but at the same time are wary I'll be offended. No way will I ever get upset to hear I look younger! It'd be different if I didn't go into it knowing I made a drastic life change, yanno? Heck, I even had some young hottie say hello the other day in the produce section of the Harris Teeter. That was exciting and scary on SO many levels! LOL Ya'll know what I'm talking about!

Well, tomorrow, in my plan to keep up with posting daily, I will tell you all about losing my hair. Seriously, what's up with that crazy do in the picture Sunday night? I just don't know what to do with it now..... I'm open to suggestions!